Psssst…….Did You Hear the Latest about Gossip?

Last month I talked about what we say and do. One particularly hurtful and potentially damaging activity within this genre is gossip and its close cousin innuendo. A number of years ago, a healthcare provider was accused of sexual assault by one of his patients. The police became involved, charges were laid and the media conjectured, debated and nurtured the story; front page material. The rumors started to grow and transform and the general consensus seemed to be guilty until proven innocent. It didn't help that the practitioner was well known within his community. While I didn't know the practitioner well, I knew him to be of good character, a family man. Eventually, the rumor and innuendo and the resultant devastating effects on his family and reputation became overwhelming. A short time later he ended his life. Most regrettably, the patient eventually admitted that she had lied in the hopes of monetary gain; not front page material. Clearly, this is an extreme example of the devastating effects of gossip, but nonetheless a true story and representative of the potentially damaging effects of such an 'innocent' behavior.

Given the age of mass communication, talk shows, reality shows, aggressive media and fervent politics, gossip has become an idle and accepted pastime and a seemingly harmless activity. But gossip is neither acceptable nor is it harmless and it is certainly not idle. Gossip and its companion innuendo have no respect for impartiality and gather strength and notoriety with each telling. Their victims are helpless and once a reputation is blemished it is usually never the same. Eleanor Roosevelt put it quite aptly when she said. "Retractions are far too often not given the same celebrity, with the same emphasis by the same people. If we are wrong, we are sometimes loath to admit it." She went on to say that "Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Small minds discuss people."

Before partaking in a discussion that may be detrimental or embarrassing to another always ask yourself if your motive is self-serving and if your actions will cause harm or upset to that individual. Ask yourself if there is another way to disseminate this information without causing harm or embarrassment to that person and how you would feel if that person were you. Finally, ask yourself if you would be able to repeat what you are saying, face to face, with the individual involved.

If the answer to any of these questions is uncomfortable and if this is not the way you would want to be treated, then stop, reflect and reconsider. You will likely not be able to stop all gossipers but you, as the 'gossipee,' will be able to stop the gossip, dead in its tracks, simply by not repeating what you hear. I still clearly remember how my dear mother used to definitively put it; "Tommy, if you have nothing nice to say don't say anything."

If you think that you may have been guilty of this type of questionable behavior, not to worry, we all make errors. Self-reflect and make the change, we are all here to learn.

If you have any concerns or issues or would like to speak to me in confidence please remember that my door is always open. You also call or text me. After hours and on weekends my phone number is 780-722-4691.

Dr. Thomas R. Stevenson
Clinical Professor
Vice Chair, Associate Chair, Student Affairs
Division Head, Oral and Maxillofacial Surgery
Department of Dentistry
Faculty of Medicine and Dentistry