Meet your new 24/7 coworker

The three-year-old in question — chore helper, psychologist's apprentice, and dragon — all ready to come to work with you.

I have had some crazy jobs in my time: from giving out cologne samples in a spacesuit at The Bay to an Outhouse Carpenter at Fort Edmonton Park. However, nothing prepares you for the craziest job I have ever had – being a Dad. I mean, I had to get a permit to have an air conditioner, but to have a kid, there was no training or test, no manual or online diploma program. Just “congratulations! Good luck and godspeed”. In my three-plus years of being a Dad, I have tried my best to learn as I go and grow from each mistake. However, unlike learning how to use a google sheet, each mistake is loudly vocalized. While I feel I at least meet expectations with being a Dad, nothing prepared me for this recent change: working a full-time job while also being a full-time parent. In the last month, my new cubicle mate has been both my best friend and workplace nemesis in the span of 20 seconds. It has been a crazy whirlwind; I have struggled greatly, and that is okay.

Working from home with kids is really hard. If asked three months ago, I would have said I would love to work from home – while my son was in daycare, not sitting on my lap. Not only are we adjusting to a new work routine and environment, but we are also now full-time caregivers, home-schoolers, chefs and cleaners. This is a lot to take in. As we are trying to adjust ourselves, our kids are also struggling to adapt and understand this new environment too. I have a 3-year-old son, and my spouse still has to work in her office. It’s a lot of father & son bonding time.

While every single one of us is in different situations right now, a few things I have learned since this started are:

• Silence is your enemy. The only thing you want in life sometimes is some silence. When it finally does come, you take a deep breath and enjoy it for a moment. Just like a horror movie, the silence turns eerie as the hairs on your neck inform you something is wrong. You jolt up in search of your never silent child to find they are outside in the backyard helping clean up the dog poop. I know what you are saying “seriously, what are you complaining about? Your kid is helping out and cleaning”. It was his technique. He had completely missed the concept of how to use a poop bag - using his bare hands instead.
  SILENCE = BAD
  
  
• Your new workmates have attitude. LOTS OF IT. The worst part: you cannot transfer them to a new department. Collecting yourself into a presentable manner each day is hard enough, but every kid from 2-22 seems to have received a big Easter basket full of sass this year. Unlike the candy I helped make disappear, that Sass Supply is never-ending. Now the good news (not that it makes the attitude attacks any better): your kid takes things out on you because you are their safe zone. And everyone, but especially kids, are regressing right now in attempts to cope. So, congratulate yourself on being a loving parent with a big bowl of “I hate you Mom and Dad” ice cream.
  
  
• Your kids (and dogs) pick up on all the stress. You think you can hide that stress well, but man, do they ever pick up on it. For context, my wife is a psychologist (lucky me, right), and so she uses lots of validation phrases with my son. The other day, I was having some trouble putting something together, and I thought I was calm (I hadn’t even hit the swearing stage or the shaking-the-item-above-my-head-like-a-conquering-Neanderthal yet). But my son was sitting there and said, “Dad, I know you are frustrated, but I am here for you.” Nothing like a 3-year-old using validation to put you in check. While it seems sweet and lovely, it is mostly heartbreaking. Kids shouldn’t be taking care of their adult parents. Just like we know how stressed our kids are, they know how stressed we are too.
  Also, send help: I now live with a psychologist and her apprentice.
  
  
• Buy Lego, lots of Lego (or Duplo). Duplo and Lego have been everyone’s favourite toy in the house. For kids, it encourages creativity, attention to detail, engineering and fun. For parents, dig in. Lego is the most satisfying toy there is. In a world where we don’t feel like we have any control, building Lego lets you see your hard work turned into a creation. Sit back and enjoy that feeling of satisfaction. That is, until your 3-year-old decides he is now a dragon and destroys your house with the cool custom kitchen and luxury ensuite. Get some Lego; it is a fun activity to do together with the satisfactory feeling of finishing raking the lawn, without the allergies.

While we are all in this together, we are in this together differently. It is important that we acknowledge this. What may work for me or another parent is not going to work for you, and that is okay. At the beginning of this, I had so many moments of, “But she seems to be managing the balance better than I am.” I kept asking, “What am I doing wrong?”; beating myself up for being overwhelmed while others seemed to have it all put together. The truth is: we are all figuring this out one day at a time. Those who have worked closely with me know my work philosophy is always “control what you can control and be flexible with the rest.” I seemed to forget that.

We are all in this together,
differently,
but we will all come out of this together, having had a unique experience and more time with our kids. Twenty years from now, I am going to remember the extra playtime, not the zoom calls.

Stay strong, stay safe and have some fun.