How to Face Failure

As a competitive youth soccer player, Klaudia Sapieja, ’07 BPE, ’09 MA, recalls how a post-game car ride could feel excruciatingly long — no matter the actual distance.

Her father, a Polish immigrant, had high expectations, she says, and was quick to point out her mistakes on the pitch. “There was no moment for me to reflect on my own. I was already hard on myself, so I didn’t need the external harshness as well,” she says. On the other hand, Sapieja remembers times when she was showered with praise for her performance. She says neither scenario led to a healthy balance. “Those demands made it hard for me to perform at my best,” she says.

Those experiences, in part, led Sapieja to complete a master’s degree in sports psychology and become a certified mental performance consultant. Today, as a mental wellness consultant for the University of Alberta’s athletics department, she helps others navigate the highs and lows of elite sports and leads a group of graduate students who work closely with the varsity teams. Sapieja also works with the Oil Kings of the Canadian Western Hockey League.

Whether you’re an aspiring Olympic athlete or competing in your beer-league sport of choice, she offers some tips to help you cope with defeat — in sport and life.

Stay in the Moment

You’re flying down the ice, the puck on your stick and an open look to win the pivotal game. You wind up and … fan the shot. It’s easy to let a blunder derail you, but try to stay in the moment, says Sapieja. Focus on your physical actions — skating fast, moving your arms, picking up your feet — then, your next actions. “Instead of thinking your way out of it, try acting your way out of it.”

Take time to reflect

Self-reflection is a key part of healing, whether you finished last in a race or were passed over for a promotion, Sapieja says. She calls self-awareness a “foundational skill” that can help build mental toughness. If you fail to reach a goal, acknowledge your emotions. Then, take a step back and reflect, she suggests. Ask yourself: “What went well? What didn’t work? And how can I do better next time?”

Don’t be afraid to fail

As much as we dread it, failure can teach us valuable lessons, Sapieja says, adding elite athletes tend to have a greater ability to bounce back from a setback quickly. If you miss some shots, just keep shooting. Try pushing yourself beyond your comfort zone, even if there’s a risk you might fail. It’s about “getting comfortable with being uncomfortable,” she says. And while you’re at it, redefine failure as progress on your journey, she suggests. You may never break a world record, but you might shave a few minutes off your race.

Be kind to yourself

“In the world of sports, specifically, there is this mentality of, ‘You’ve got to beat yourself up to get better,’” Sapieja says. But research has shown that athletes who practise self-compassion are actually more resilient. So be gentle with yourself. Think about what you would say to a friend in a similar situation, then treat yourself the same way.

Enjoy the journey

Sapieja says maintaining an identity outside of work or sport is crucial. Keep in mind your core values, she says, and realize that you’re learning a lot about yourself along the way. “In the end, from athletes I’ve worked with, the best memories are the in-between things. Times you get to spend with your teammates, the connections you build, the experiences you have.”