Five Tips to Prepare for the Inevitable

It’s natural to be anxious about death, but that doesn’t mean we should avoid planning for it, says Gina Vliet, ’99 BA. A death educator and consultant, she has built a career around helping people prepare for the inevitable. She also runs an executorship training program, sat on the committee for the Compassionate Alberta initiative and, although currently on hiatus, has hosted over 60 Death Cafés — an international movement in which people discuss all things death and dying over coffee and dessert — since 2018.

Closing out our lives is far more complicated and time-consuming than many people realize, says Vliet. Good planning is a gift for your surviving loved ones, who will have little emotional bandwidth for making funeral arrangements, figuring out if your life insurance covers burial expenses or re-homing your beloved cats, she says. “Grief does not pair well with stress.”

End-of-life planning is in your best interests, too, she says. “It’s going to relieve your stress and help you deal with change as it happens.”

Here are five tips to help you navigate end-of-life planning sooner rather than later.

Confront your anxieties about death

Vliet, who wrote a thesis on modern mortuary practices as an anthropology undergrad, is more fascinated than fearful of death. She entered the death-care industry six years ago after working as a change management specialist in the energy sector and sees death through a pragmatic lens. (It’s just another life change, after all). But she knows that death anxiety can make it difficult or impossible for people to think about dying.

Talking about it is a good first step, says Vliet. Death Cafe — both in-person and online — often attracts people who want to overcome their fear. “We’re here to hold safe space for whatever someone’s comfort level is.” Talking with trusted loved ones, a counselor or a faith leader can also help.

Consider it a process, not a project

Besides death anxiety, people sometimes avoid planning for death because they’re overwhelmed with all the decisions to make. “They think they have to get it all done at once,” says Vliet. Instead, break it up into sections and chip away at them when you’re able.

Remember that end-of-life planning is a continuing process as we, and our circumstances, change throughout our lives. You might decide to leave your collection of clown paintings to your sister when your best friend recoils at the prospect or to embrace medical assistance in dying (MAID) after a life-limiting diagnosis.

Your body, your choice

In Canada, cremation is the most popular choice of body disposition, followed by traditional burial, in which a body is embalmed and buried in an ornate casket in a cement-lined cemetery plot. But cemeteries are increasingly offering green and hybrid burial options — that is, burial of unembalmed body in an eco-friendly container or shroud directly into the earth. You can also donate your body to medical education through a program like the Anatomical Gifts Program at the U of A.

Don’t forget finances

Besides the contents of your will, finances are an important part of end-of-life planning. Consider the costs associated with falling ill, such as home care or medical equipment. If you’re self-employed, you’ll need an emergency financial plan if you can’t work. And after you’ve died, there are funeral costs to cover. If you’re worried about leaving others with the tab, consider a pre-payment plan, final expenses insurance, or a designated savings account while you’re still alive.

Talk to your loved ones

To ensure your wishes are honoured — and to minimize stress for all involved — it’s important to communicate your preferences, such as when to end life support, where to scatter your cremated remains or what’s in your will.

Because no one wants to think about death, Vliet says to “open the door gently.” Schedule a time to talk and let them know the theme ahead of time, rather than ambushing them with a PowerPoint presentation after Sunday dinner.

Consider opening the conversation with something tangential, like the death of a celebrity, or even light-hearted — maybe you’ve decided to play “Highway to Hell” at your funeral — before getting into the more uncomfortable details.

And don’t forget the snacks — a natural antidote to death-related anxiety, says Vliet. “Food and drink remind us that we’re alive.”