Dear Maddi: Is it normal to feel sad after graduating?

Dear Maddi,

Is it normal to feel sad after graduating? I recently convocated. When I was taking photos with my friends and family around campus before the ceremony and listening to the speeches during the ceremony I was feeling great, excited and happy I was at the end of my degree. When it came time for me to cross the stage though, it felt like I had suddenly forgotten how to smile. I felt a pit in my stomach and I started to feel nervous and scared because this was the end. I pushed those feelings aside for the rest of the day but when I got home that night I cried and I honestly am not sure why I did when it should've been a happy occasion. Is it normal to be feeling such mixed emotions after graduating?

Sincerely,

A Confused New Grad

 Dear New Grad,

Congratulations on graduating! It is completely normal to feel mixed emotions with any big transition, and graduating is no exception. Researchers have even come up with a word to describe this concept: poignancy. They say it’s a “mixture of happiness and sadness that occurs when one faces meaningful endings” and that it’s “particular to the experience of endings, of no longer having something that one once had,” (Ersner-Hershfield et al., 2008). It can be really exciting to reach the end of a degree and look forward to new beginnings. But it can also come with a sense of loss of what you’re leaving behind and a growing anxiety of what’s to come. 

Being a student is a unique time in life. You have structured semesters, consistent deadlines and specific goals. There are many opportunities to connect and build community through classes, clubs, volunteering and activities. It can be a place to delve deep into academics, learn more about your interests and get mentorship. Universities can also provide a safety net with different supports and student services. 

Graduating represents leaving all that behind and jumping into the “real world.” You might feel more on your own all while facing a new set of responsibilities. You might be losing your routines and the stability of knowing what’s next. You might feel a loss of community or even your sense of identity or belonging. On top of that, finding a job in your field can be stressful! Other common stressors for new grads include moving to a new city, going back home, financial pressures and struggling with life skills (Newport Institute, 2022).

Another factor current grads are facing is the state of the world. Many people are struggling with existential questions around the future. Anxiety around climate change, global conflicts as well as economic, political and social concerns can fuel feelings of hopelessness and helplessness.

Recent grads can also feel pressure to succeed. Some people have an expectation of what their lives would be like once they graduate and now it’s not matching. They might feel they have to measure up to a certain standard of success or have a fear of failure, particularly if they’re having trouble finding a job or figuring out what they want to do next (Luskin, 2012). 

All this to say, there are many reasons to feel a whole range of emotions when you graduate. It’s normal and valid. Acknowledge all the feelings and talk to your friends about it - you might be surprised how much they relate. Some people find it helpful to do a closure activity to honour their memories. For example, you can create a photo collage or write a letter to yourself describing your favourite university memories.

You can also think about what you’re most sad to leave behind to help you figure out what you value and need in your life. For example, if it’s friends or community - reflect on how to stay connected with them while also finding new ways to build social support around you. That could mean making friends at work, joining community groups or meetups, volunteering or reaching out to old friends. 

If you’re anxious about the future, take a deep breath, be gentle with yourself, and remember you’re human and going through a major change. It might be helpful to think about all the benefits of graduating and what excites you about the future. If you’re not sure what’s next, there are some helpful tips for graduates from West Virginia University. For example, creating structure, doing something daily to move you toward your goals, and not forgetting to enjoy your life! (Rife, n.d.).

In the meantime, I hope you can fully soak in all that you’ve accomplished in reaching this major achievement. Wishing you nothing but the best in your next adventure.

Sincerely,

Suman

Written by Suman Varghese, guest author for Dear Maddi and Registered Psychologist for Counselling & Clinical Services. 

Dear Maddi… welcomes submissions from students at the University of Alberta! Read more articles and submit your question online.

Resources

Articles: 

Tips for Graduates
Post-College Depression: Why It’s So Common and How to Cope
Managing PCSD - "Post Commencement Stress Disorder

References

Ersner-Hershfield, H., Mikels, J. A., Sullivan, S. J., & Carstensen, L. L. (2008). Poignancy: Mixed emotional experience in the face of meaningful endings. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 94(1), 158–167. https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.94.1.158

Luskin, B. Managing PCSD - "Post Commencement Stress Disorder" (May, 2011)

Newport Institute. (2022, May 6). Post-College Depression: Why It’s So Common and How to Cope.

Pandey, E. (2024, February 17). The loneliest generation: Inside the Gen Z mental health crisis. Axios.

Rife, J. (n.d.) Tips for Graduates. West Virginia University.