Become a Better Bystander

You're at a house party. As the night wears on, you see a strange guy sidle up next to a girl on a couch. She seems to have had too much to drink and isn't very responsive. He puts his arm around her, and soon after, you see him help her up and lead her outside. You feel in the pit of your stomach that something is off, but still you freeze.

You think, "What's happening here? If I do something will I make matters worse? Am I blowing the situation out of proportion?"

The barriers to intervening can feel insurmountable, paralyzing even; I've felt it too.

That's why, when I stumbled on the bystander intervention workshop hosted by the U of A's Sexual Assault Centre, I decided to sign up.

"Bystander intervention training encourages us all to think about the role we play in preventing sexual violence," explains Sam Pearson, '12 BA, director of the Sexual Assault Centre. Bystander prevention is geared to "shift the responsibility from the person experiencing sexual violence to the community and the environment surrounding that person," she says.

It turns out there are practical steps to combating the spectrum of behaviour that normalizes or trivializes sexual violence. You know, the catcall in the bar, the lewd remark at work or the inappropriate touch on the bus.

"There are so many different ways to interrupt that narrative of sexual violence," explains Pearson. "The most effective way depends on the context of that situation. If we're only thinking of intervention as directly confronting a person, we're missing potential opportunities to intervene and demonstrate positive community norms, valuing consent and respecting boundaries."

Here's what the workshop taught me about overcoming bystander paralysis and taking steps to intervene.

1) Know what constitutes sexual violence

Many acts of sexual violence are so socially entrenched that they can appear invisible at times. To be clear: sexual violence is a lot more than rape. It's everything from sexist jokes to stalking to assault. The spectrum of sexual violence is broad and includes any attack on a person's sexuality, their body and/or their safety.

It can happen to anyone. It helps to keep in mind two aspects of sexual violence: impact and consent.

Impact trumps intent. Even if the perpetrator is well-intentioned, it is the effect on the person experiencing it that matters. For example, even though your boss didn't mean to offend your coworker with that sexual comment, it still can be considered sexual harassment because of its impact on your coworker.

Consent is everything. If one person does not consent to a sexual act, it constitutes sexual assault. Affirmative consent is a voluntary, ongoing, active and enthusiastic agreement. It can be revoked at any time, and silence or ambiguity do not constitute consent. Check out this helpful video.

2) Assess the barriers

Context makes you more likely to intervene in some cases and less likely in others. For example, you might feel safer to do or say something if you're with a group of people because there's strength in numbers. In others cases, you may be less likely to call out the perpetrator in front of a group of people for fear of causing a scene. Other barriers may include setting, personal safety and familiarity with the perpetrator. The trick to overcoming these barriers is simply to identify the most appropriate way of intervening.

3) Decide how to act

Figuring out how to intervene can be nerve-wracking. It helps to remember the four Ds of bystander intervention and ask yourself which would work best.

Delegate: Put the situation on someone else's radar or get someone else involved; for example, tell a manager at work.

Direct: Step in and speak directly to the perpetrator or the victim; for example, confront the coworker who makes a sexist remark.

Distract: De-escalate the situation by diverting attention from the problem; for example, "I'm catching a cab, do you want a lift?"

Delay: If you're unable to intervene in the moment, you can always check in with the person later to see if they're OK or if you can do anything to help them.

4) Take action

Here's the hardest part: following through. It's helpful to talk to a friend afterward to walk through the situation and consider whether you would have done things differently. Becoming a better bystander isn't something that happens overnight. It's a process of trial and error. But doing something imperfectly is better than doing nothing.